Saturday, January 2, 2010

Gorilla, Part 2

I was supposed to hook up with an uncut guy tonight, but my plans changed abruptly today. I was doing my usual Saturday morning routine; having my morning coffee, checking e-mail on the computer and such. I noticed this itch on my butt cheek so I scratched it. I occasionally get zits on my butt so I didn't think anything of it. Being Saturday, I like to lounge around the house naked, then jump in the shower, get dressed and get on with my day. Just as I was about to enter the shower, I noticed my pubic area was also itchy so I did a quick look-through and discovered I had crabs.

I've had crabs many many times. I'm a very hairy guy, and I think my blood must be very sweet or warmer than most people because I'm sure a crab can find me from 100 yards away. When I enter a room, if there's a crab in there, it will find me. They must jump from their hosts onto me when they get a whiff of my sweet stuff as I pass by, I don't know. I usually buy the family size bottle of insecticide at the drugstore so I can get three treatments out of one container. For $10.00 more you get twice the amount. Of course today just as the clerk at the checkout was ringing me in, a big line-up gathered behind me to see my $33.00 bottle of R&C Crab and Lice Shampoo and Conditioner. I laughed inwardly in an embarrassed and awkward kind of way...

I don't have any moral issues about having crabs or sexually transmitted infections (STI). Getting crabs is like getting head lice - you get it from being in close contact with another person or their stuff. Getting an STI is like getting the flu - you get it from close physical contact with another person. The nature of that contact is irrelevant and has absolutely no moral implication in and of itself. There is no difference between shaking a man's hand and sucking his dick in terms of physical contact as it pertains to spirituality and religion. The Great Spirit created all living beings with a desire for sexuality, and also put in there this miraculous thing called the orgasm. If the Great Spirit wanted us to limit or abstain from sex, it would not have made sex so much of an absolute pleasure. I say celebrate your sexuality and indulge whenever the desire strikes you, in a responsible way of course. Don't get me wrong, if you have the flu, stay home and avoid contact with people and cough in your sleeve and wash your hands and use hand sanitizer so you don't pass it on. If you have an STI, go see a doctor and inform your sexual contacts. Reduce your risk of infection. Get checked or check yourself regularly. Don't put other people at risk. We have an obligation as citizens of our communities to avoid knowingly spreading stuff! If you unknowingly passed an STI to someone, do the honourable thing and tell them. The person who gave it to you is in the same position as you are in and will be dealing with the same feelings of guilt, shame, dirtiness or whatever emotion comes along with it. I think religion in all its backward and antiquated ways has traditionally perceived sex as a bad thing and brainwashed so many people into giving up one of the best pleasures there is, associated sex with "sin" and "wickedness." They have also set us back a long way in treating and dealing with STI's from a medical standpoint where it belongs. Break out of your shackles people!!! Have guilt-free fun and take care of yourselves. Eliminate your negative feelings about having an STI, its no different than having the flu. Do to thy neighbour as you would want thy neighbour to do unto you!

I think the way society regards and treats STI's is changing dramatically as the judgements that currently go with having a sexually transmitted infection change. Look at the free love era of the 60's and 70's. Look at AIDS in the 80's - people viewed HIV as a punishment for promiscuity, especially among gay men. I think the general consciousness of humanity moved beyond that with the arrival of all the "innocent" victims of AIDS; the children of Africa, Asia, Europe and the Americas. The foot-dragging that we saw among our elected officials and the medical community in relation to research and treatment when it was the "Gay Plague" changed abruptly when straight people started getting it in huge numbers. As pitiful as the reaction was from our elected officials and the medical community, I believe the mobilization of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender communities in responding to the crisis blew the doors open on attitudes toward GLBT people, illness, compassion, racism, capitalism, you name it. I think same-sex marriage is here today 20 years sooner than it would otherwise have been because of the politicized HIV/AIDS crisis and all the work GLBT people did in organizing and community building. Gay no longer had the stigma it once did, and attitudes in our society did a 165 degree turn. There is still a long way to go no question there, especially in the developing world. If anything good came from HIV/AIDS, it was that. Check future blogs on my opinions regarding current practices in m2m sexuality, and in particular barebacking.

Back to my story. I can't say for sure where I picked up this current invasion of parasites. Because I am particularly prone to crab infestation, I am constantly checking myself for the little critters. I usually get them in my pubic area, arm pits, chest and asshole area, but have found them on my legs and butt cheeks in the past, and even once on my eyebrows! Any time I have an itch, the first thing I think of is crabs, and I check myself to see if that might be it. I haven't had any itchiness in my vulnerable areas lately. Today I found these great big fully grown mother fuckers - two in my right arm pit, one on my chest, four in my pubic area, and even one right on the hairline of my scalp. They weren't there yesterday. I check myself very often, and would have noticed something during the time the fuckers hatched to the time they reached adulthood. No, these were very recent and hopped on in adult form. I thought back to my activities in the last week and to my daily showering and grooming activities. I shave my balls regularly so its not like I haven't looked closely at my dick recently. I guess I can't really be sure which one of my contacts gave them to me. I did the honourable thing and let gorilla know I had found crabs on my body. He responded that he hadn't seen any on himself, but he would go out and pick up some Kwellada just in case. Fair enough, I'm going to leave it at that.

I had some errands to run today so I couldn't get to the drugstore right away. I have always had this phobia about insects, and just the thought that I have them on my body makes me cringe. Anyway, I came home with the remedy and promptly set about my task. I want to make sure I get this done in one treatment so I have modified the directions to what I find works for me. The directions say to apply the product directly to the affected area and leave it there for 10 minutes. Because I am 6'3" tall and weigh 200 pounds, I have a lot of surface area to cover. My whole body is hairy, including butt cheeks, back, arms, shoulders, legs and chest. It takes me 10 minutes just to get the stuff on every hairy part of my body and my scalp. Then I wait another 15 minutes rather than 10. Step 2 is to take a bit of water and lather up the affected area, then rinse. The lathering process alone takes me five minutes, and I continue lathering and spreading the stuff over every square inch of myself for another 15 minutes before proceeding to the next step. For rinsing, I fill the tub up with water and soak in the soupy shampoo mixture for half an hour. I then take a shower without any further soaping just to rinse the soup off. Crab shampoo smells so awful and I swear I can smell the chrysanthemum on my body for several days after a treatment. That's why I had to cancel my activities with the uncut guy. I also had to go the laundromat to do three loads of wash, including re-washing my bedding I had done a few days ago. They say rain on a wedding day is good luck. Also having a bird shit on you is supposed to be good luck. If 2010 is starting off like this, I should be in for a great year!

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